I stand for freedom of expression, doing what you believe in, and going after your dreams.
I stand for my OWN freedom of expression, doing what I believe in, and going after MY own dreams!
And I can’t do that having someone holding me a PRISONER in my own LIFE!
Set me free!!!! Let me go!!!! I want to be free & happy !!!!
Its painful to see someone you love being happy with someone else. But its totally heart-wrenching, heart ripping, guilt-ridden when someone you love is NOT happy with you.
Can you feeeel the above-mentioned quote?
It hurts doesn’t it?
I wouldn’t want someone I love so much to be hurting and aching and not be happy with ME. But what if I AM THAT SOMEONE and doesn’t he realised that I am not the LEAST happy for now?
What do I have to do? To lie to him so I can go out and have my fun and be happy? To fake and make things up so I can do my own HAPPY things?
Do I really have to resort to such measures…
Am I REDUCED to such despicable measures…
Maybe that’s the only way which I can try to have the "best of both worlds". Which are my friends/happiness and Him.
Pathetic.
What makes people happy is activity; changing evil itself into good by power, working in a God like manner.
If I can FEEL happy just by watching a friend wakeboard, what if I try it on myself eh?
I will do just that next week when I get better from this fever and bad sore throat.
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If you must be wondering, why am I so sad?
Its just sometimes, when you’re with someone for 2 years and 3 months and 14 days, that person feels that he has a RIGHT over my life, my friends and my freedom.
Look. We have been over this sooo many donkey times, and he said "Yeah fine go out with your friends."
And when night comes and I don’t do just the one thing that he asked me to do, he said "So You’re not too tired to go out with your friend and you’re too tired to sleep over at my house?"
Look dude. I had a fever of 39.6deg, and I am still coughing so bad, sometimes I got blood in my mucus, my throat feels like it just gave birth to a 21inch pizza and my medication are at home! I dont want to sleep in my contact lens because I dont wanna have infections for that! And all he got to say was "Okay, you have your friends now you don’t need me anymore."
What the FUCK! (A small matter blown out of proportion, as always)
What has it got to do with my friend?!
All we did was just go around town, in her car!
Oh yeah and that! He had to rake it up about HER having a nice car and him just having a pathetic bike! For God’s sake! What do I look like? A freeloader who wants free rides in nice cars everyday?! Puh-Lease!!! I would get one if I wanted it so bad!!!
There’s no way I can explain things to him because he NEVER tries to understand. Jeeeez!
"Okay I going out on Fri night with my friends and Saturday I’ve got soccer, you don’t be angry that I am not spending time with you!" he claimed in the end.
Hell, no way! I am soooooooo glad, and you don’t know how ecstatic I am, I will kiss that friend of his who invited him out on Fri night and the whole Football team ok !!!
Too much of each other is just TOO MUCH!
So you see my qualms. I am trying to be happy and its sad that I am seeking happiness without him around because with him, its difficult to ever be happy for more than an HOUR. I truly am upset. I hope the situation improves but for now. I’ll just leave it. He won’t heed my advice or words anyway.
Please Please Please dont get me wrong. I do love him. I really do. But ……. I hope its just a phase of my life that would pass by quickly …..
Please …. Just let me be. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.
If anything good ever comes out of this blog, I’ll buy my friends’ dinner @ Equinox. But I know it wont. He doesn’t read shit like this and i can never knock sense in him. I may have my own faults but …. I am just a girl who wants to be HAPPY. Is it that hard?
(Its painful to see someone you love being happy with someone else. But its totally heart-wrenching, heart ripping, guilt-ridden when someone you love is NOT happy with you.)
Sometimes God gives us problem so that we go through the battle and we emerge being stronger and more mature.
But have you wondered why sometimes he gives us ALL the worries at a go? Like now?
Is it to test my threshold of pain and distress?
Or is it just fated to be this way and then I have to find a solution for the mess myself? If its fated, can you fast forward my life because I want to see what I did right or going to do wrong in future, because I for sure as hell cannot afford to make a simple mistake.
Life is like that lah huh. Throw all the shit to the fan and see which is stuck.
Throw all the troubles to me and see if i can solve every single piece of it? And then learn? What, have I not learnt enough!
Last time in school, after school in fact, I used to hang out at Northpoint in sch attire and watch boys. I outgrew that. Now I let them watch me. Tee Hee Hee.
Last time in tertiary, I used every opportunity to stay out late and used tons of excuses so I can hang out at clubs every wed and sat so I can be seen as COOL. I outgrew that. Now you’re lucky if I pay my respect to the clubs twice a month.
Last time I had troubles I ran to Mak or I simply ran away from it, not wanting to solve and cross my fingers so that it would go away! Well … I did not really outgrew that. In fact the problems outgrew me! Its bigger, worse and unsolvable! Why can’t the one thing that HAVE TO GO AWAY go away for once! I did not invite trouble, so why did trouble come to me ……..
