My Blog

MEN …

Why are they such a pain in the buttock?

He knows I am stressed up. But yet he loveee to add on to my problems!

What the Fuck ….

Its really not worth my time and effort these few years … I feel like I am living in this world to be someone he wants me to be but not someone I AM …

Can I let go …

Should I let go …

Must I hold on …

Could I hold on …

This is tragic. It really is.

So many things to say, So many things to ponder upon … But I am tongue & finger tied !

Can I go on pleasing every other fucking person in this world EXCEPT FOR MYSELF!?

He is away for 3 weeks.

To land down under to serve the nation and carry out his duties as a man.

Yeah … And I have to suffer. Bummer.

Real Big Bummer.

Real Big Huge Bummer.

Real fucking big gigantic bummer.

You never know what you have till you lose them. Funny thing is, we ‘lose’ each other so many times before but we STILL end up being together. 

Sometimes there was total HATRED for each other, the feeling of never wanting to see his face or smell him anywhere near.

Now there is "wanting to do anything in the whole wide world to be with him" and "keeping his used tshirt for smell-sake (haha)" …

Sighssssssssss …

So many times before I look forward to this moment of ‘freedom’ BUT now that I have it, I don’t want it.

Every night if he picks me up from work and when I am late he will get pissed off and then I will get upset becuz I thought he didn’t bother to understand my job.

But now, no one gets pissed off.  Except me. And only a missed train and a happy cab driver earning the extra bucks from me. And a hole in the pocket.

Every day when he calls me at the wrong time, I screamed in 2 secs "Busy Call u back!"

But now, the phone doesn’t ring the RINGTONE I longed to hear so much.

Every other day, we sipped earl grey or latte or mocha or cappucino and snacking at nachos or wedges or calamari or anything fattening.

But now, my nescafe’s running out and I go to sleep with an empty stomach. Not that I am on a diet, but its never the same snacking with no one when you used to do it together.

Every night, I used to bitch about work/prospects/freebie king/waste-time-clients to him. Its a damn good feeling hearing his advice. Because he knows a little (when I mean a little, its just scratch on the surface) whats happening as a neutral outsider and he advised/scolded me as a third party based on logical reason, irregardless if I was wrong or being wronged. I told him once some time not long ago "I wanna quit". Simple answer: "Okay" and then continued with a question "Who’s gonna pay your bills?"

Ah well … Its only been 2 days you know. I have got 16 more days to go.

Wish me luck.

I had a migraine yesterday…

I wanted to put my hand on the wall for support because my head was spinning and my eyes were blurry but guess what I did instead?

Instead of placing my hand on the wall for support, I placed my hand on the empty space BESIDE the damn wall and my whole left part of the face and body crashed into the wall!!!

That was soooooo uncalled for and I did not expected it so my reaction was ……. none at all. I did not try to ‘repel’ the wall nor did i put another hand for support. That weird 10s of the ‘accident’; I totally don’t remember till i logically placed the memories together.

I cried and cried and cried and cried……….

The impact was so hard, I had bruises and a hell of a ‘LUMP’ on my head and my left temple was …. well … reddish, bluish and blackish ….

All because of a damn migraine.

But fret not, I dragged my sorry fat ass to work but figured couldnt last through the day. Besides the drilling and the hammering in my head, I had conveniently added a big throbbing lump too… Grrreat, just what I needed for a fuck-tastic day. Went to the office, did whatever work I could, asked for half day but my newly appointed manager said "You can’t leave till u set up 3 more appointments for Monday!"

So I wearily trudged back to the desk, made some calls, secured some appointments and packed up within 2minutes flat!

What a day. What a life. What a job.