My Blog

. .. … I look back at my day and wonder, why am I so stressed up for?

Am I looking stressed and feeling stressed because I have to?

Am I doing it because I have to show people around me that I am?

Am I doing it because I have to prove to people that I am stressed out?

I mean in my soul and in my heart I am feeling stressed enough, why must I add on to it and ‘act it up’? That has added a whole new meaning of stress.

Why can’t I be stress but yet still laughing and smiling and making a fool out of myself?

Why can’t I look normal but yet feel stress?

There’s so many other things in life to stress about on besides work.

There’s so many other things in life to stress about on besides looking stress on cue.

Like health. Like proper health. The food intake. The exercise regime.

Where has it all gone to? Waste? Why?

Because the energy thats being used for that has been used for trying to look as stressed as possible because its the CUE to be stressed.

What the fuck …

I DONT HAVE TO LOOK STRESSED JUST TO SHOW THAT I AM STRESSED.

I DONT HAVE TO SIGH AND GO FROWN JUST TO PROVE THAT I AM STRESSED.

No one can read my mind.

No one can know whats going on in ME. Except for Me.

So no one can judge me and think just because I dont look vexed and stressed, I am Not.

Ah fuck it …

… whatever …

Life is a bitch and then you die.

Why do matters of the heart keep nagging at me?

Whenver I am alone or feeling really empty wih nothing to do, I will think about him.

1.5 years and i just wanna give up already.

But a part of me feels that "I AM NOT DONE LOVING HIM"

There’s still more love to give and I wanna give it to him and I am not able to do so.

I hate him so much though. Sometimes his attitude really turn me off but I know I don’t ever wanna lose him.

A part of me also feel that I should just leave it and go enjoy my life to the fullest, go back to the old times of party and be merry and definitely not with his friends. But a part of me just long to run back into his arms.

Tell me I am a fucking irritating bitch.